Tag Archives: Sexuality

50 Shades of Sh*t

22 Apr

I just completed the first book, Fifty Shades of Grey, of the trilogy by E L James.

Everyone is all abuzz about these books which are being called “mommy porn”.  (Even that phrase is totally annoying.) When we were in Florida I started chatting about it with a woman at the pool and she ended up giving me the book when she finished it.

I’m SO GLAD I DID NOT SPEND MONEY ON THIS TRASH.

The writing  is absolutely awful.

The characters are undeveloped and inconceivable. The dialogue is ridiculous, and the sex scenes try to be steamy but are ultimately yawn inducing.  It’s trying be provocative and shocking but it’s not.

The gorgeous 21 yr old main female character has never had any kind of sexual experience and there is no understanding or explanation as to why.   But then as soon as she starts having sex she is having orgasm after orgasm.

She has this annoying inner dialogue, referring to her “inner goddess”…about 553 times in the book.  She often says “holy cow! holy shit!”  Holy annoying!!!

The main male character gets all in a frenzy when this chick bites her lip…a habit that is referred to about 482 times in the book.

The dialogue (boring, sterile and uninspired) often starts with “Er….”.  Do you ever say “er” when you start to speak?  I didn’t think so.

I haven’t read the other two books and I don’t plan on it.

Have you read it?

Potty Mouths

18 May

Oh boy, I haven’t even written this post yet and I know I’m going to hear it from my mother.

So here it is.  My 3 monkeys new favorite thing to do is run around the house yelling,

BUTT, PENIS AND VAGINA!!!!!!!!!!

Then, they gather around my daughter, the artist, who, with her dry erase board, proceeds to draw each body part, through giggles and excitement.  Once they are drawn one of  the kids volunteers to reveal the real body part.

My husband’s response:  (angrily directed at me) “do something!”

My response: steady silence (for the video camera balanced in my hand) interrupted by uncontrollable laughter.  Then composure and a discussion about those parts, and the talk and art work about them needing to being private.

That was the first time.  Now I have to firmly cut them off and say “No potty mouth!”

So, who else has butt, penis, and vagina obsessed kids?

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