Tag Archives: humor

Middle Aged at the Mall

20 Jan

When I was younger, and growing up in Jersey, I loved the mall.  A mom would drop a bunch of us girls off and we would roam for hours with nourishment stops at Orange Julius, McD’s or this stuff your potato store (was it called Create a Potato?) until another mom would pick us up at a designated spot and we would call it a day until the next mall outing on the next Saturday.

When I moved to Manhattan, I had to embrace the one store only shopping, and it was okay.  I would happily spend a Saturday roaming through Bloomingdale’s and Urban Outfitters and Macy’s while I walked all day long.

Now that I live on Long Island I have access, just a few miles down the road, to the 10th largest mall in America.  But I don’t go too often because I now get exhausted with aimless roaming, and crowds, and, there never seems to be time anyway.  Earlier this week, however, I had a task at hand which warranted the trek to the mall.  By task I mean that I had 2 stores I needed to visit.  The plan was to hit the stores and get out.

My first stop was Gymboree.  I’m not really a fan but I always seem to get sucked into the whole Gymbucks scam.  Meaning, the one time a year I shop there, for baby gifts usually, I end up getting those Gymbucks that you redeem several weeks down the road.  But in order for me to spend my 25 bucks I had to be buying merchandise with a minimum of 50 bucks.  And then the kicker was that I couldn’t use my Gymboree store credit (I seem to have credit at every store, for a reason unknown to me.) so I still have another Gymboree visit in my future where I’m sure I will earn more Gymbucks so the vicious cycle will continue.

My next stop was SUPPOSED to be the Gap.

I have this thing where once in a while I buy a really great pair of jeans, often at the Gap.  Then I go back and try to get the same pair and it never works.

jeans

So I took a photo at home of the jeans I really like.  The purpose was to remind me to go to the Gap and to help me find the style I want.  And remember I had only 2 stores I intended to visit.

But I left Gymboree and stumbled upon Urban Outfitters which compelled me to enter the store for the first time in at least a decade.  By doing this the thought of the Gap vanished from my brain, sadly and permanently (until today when I saw the photo).

I entered Urban Outfitters with my large Gymboree sack and immediately felt out-of-place amongst the younger generation.  First of all I sware I smelled pot smoke and I was running through all the scenarios of how someone could actually be smoking pot in a store in a mall.  Then I realized I absolutely was the oldest person in the store, including the employees, by at least 15 years no joke.  Once the store of my youth, where I dropped tons of bucks, I couldn’t find anything that appealed.  Oh but then I spotted some books and I got excited…

urban

Until the first book I picked up confirmed that yes indeed I was in the wrong place.  Sigh.

I headed over to the beloved Nordstrom for a quick browse as a way of recovery from Urban Outfitters.

Something strange happened.  I kept noticing the mannequins.

photo_3

I became riveted and distracted at the same time by so much…the points for heads, the hands on the boobs, the disproportionate limbs…and the why…is it thought out or the quick decision of an overworked mannequin designer?  And who makes the mannequins?  And on and on and on.  And they were everywhere!  Do you see why I often question my mental health?  Because I’m pretty sure that no one else in that store, in that mall, was ruminating about the life cycle of the Nordstrom mannequin.

Perhaps I’m also going through a life cycle of sorts, as it pertains to the mall :).

 

Apple Addicts

28 Dec
and the 5th takes the photo, o precious iPad!

and the 5th takes the photo, oh precious iPad!

This household has gone from 0-5 Apple products in 2 months!

First there was my iPad…a wonderful gift from my hubs for our 10 year anniversary.  Soon after I realized what the Apple buzz was all about, how totally awesome the products are…so I went in to Verizon for my contract renewal and got an iPhone 5.

But then my kids had their grubby fingers outstretched all day long on me wanting to play with one or both, consequently schooling me on how to use them.  :)

They begged for their own iPods.

We really don’t buy them anything all year-long.  We hardly get them anything for their birthdays as they get so many presents from family and friends.

We also celebrate Chanukah and Christmas.  My husband is 1 of 7 children so the kids get a lot of presents.  We decided the iPods may not be a bad idea for the big gifts.  Lots of the apps they play are educational  (they love Stack the States and Presidents vs Aliens and consequently know more about geography and presidential history than I do!!!) and the apps we get are FREE.  I’ve realized it makes a lot more sense than those Nintendos where you put down a lotta money and then each game costs a chunk of change as well.

So now the kids each have their own 5th generation iPod touch.

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And they are like animals!  Running all about, taking photos, making videos, playing games, and the kicker was tonight when the 5-year-old asked Siri,

“Do you have a vagina?”!!!!

Oh that Siri.  I need an intervention.  I dictate all my email and text messages.  I pace around the house like a lunatic dictator with that phone at my chin.  It’s no wonder the kids are out of control.

And Siri’s response to my little delinquent and her questions made me love her more, “OK…how about a web search for inappropriate behavior?”  (By the way my husband thinks I’m certifiable referring to Siri as “her”, just so you know.)

But right now we are on a school break so I’m letting them go hog-wild with their devices.

Next week we’ll get back to some sort of order, I suppose.

Hero

12 Sep

 

I was shocked and delighted when I checked my son’s homework sheet last night and saw myself  listed as his hero  as he really is a daddy’s boy. When I told him he made me happy he said,

Actually you and Daddy are both my heroes but you’re more my hero because you do sensitive things.

So nice to be positively regarded after last week when my 5 year old slipped this note under my door where I had sequestered myself while trying to make a phone call.

I guess you win some you lose some! :)

 

Creepy Doll Part 2

13 Aug

My girls seriously have a problem with their creepy dolls and the things they do to them.  They grabbed some face paint that we used at my daughter’s birthday party and decided to paint their dolls faces…EVERY. ONE. OF. THEM.  My daughter even started looking creepy in this photo, but that’s happened before.

I’m off to go scrub faces, doll faces that is, as they seem to be taunting me.  I’m reminded of a great Twilight Zone episode

Please tell me if your children’s dolls creep you out too…or maybe I am just completely mental!

(By the way did you know that fear of dolls is called pediophobia?)

My Second Manic Blogiversary

10 May

2 years ago on this very today I tentatively started writing this blog. I wrote about the first year here.

I have always enjoyed writing and I have many old spiral notebooks filled with childhood and teenage angst that I poured out on paper.  But I was inspired to start a blog for 2 reasons.

The first was that I like to keep records of things and take photographs; this seemed like a great way to capture both.  There are so many days with the kids I thought would be imprinted on my brain and when I scroll through old posts here they have already been forgotten.

The second reason was that my famous entrepreneurial friend Vera Sweeney (who supports her family with her blogging brilliance) encouraged me.  She is amazing and I don’t know how she runs all of her businesses and still shows up for every school event.

I’m trying so hard to savor all the moments I capture here with the kids, but it’s challenging, and I’m tired!  My goal here was to address some of that.  Many of the parenting blogs I read are all full of fluff about the joy and wonder of parenthood.  The name of my blog is truthfully descriptive…I am very manic, type A and crazed.  I had three babies in 18 months….it was very challenging….mentally, physically, emotionally…

I like writing about the good days.  And, I like writing about the tough ones.  And it isn’t every blogger that will post about her nose picking kid! (who by the way, when I snap a photo, barks at me “don’t put that on Facebook or Blog!”)

But I figure the blog counts for something in that desire to cherish each day, for if I record them, they will continue to bring my family pleasure throughout the years.  My plan is to take each year’s worth of posts (always May 10th -May10th) and create blog books.  The first year’s book has already brought us a lot of joy.  My hope is to have many volumes, until I no longer want to, and then that will be okay too.

Anyway it’s the collective moments of cuteness, whether tantrumy or totally cute, that I love.  Like the other morning when I awakened to find them all “on a magic carpet ride”…(They were trying to act out a scene from a movie!)

Yes that is a Chuck E Cheese tattoo emblazoned on my daughter’s face.

Thank you for, much to my awe, being interested in what I have to say :)

A Clockwork Portrait?

4 May

I wonder if anyone else in the world will look at my 4 year old daughters self portrait, as I have, and think of…

The main character from the film A Clockwork Orange.

Should I be worried about my mental health?!  Or, am I subconsciously making a connection between the sociopathic delinquent Malcom McDowall portrays and my own young offender?!

Author/Troublemaker’s Tea

27 Apr

The Troublemaker

Yesterday parents in my son’s class were invited to school for an “author’s tea”. Each student wrote and illustrated a book that was to be read to parents and guests in groups of about 5 students.

The kids were so excited to see their parents in the small audience.  Some of them started acting silly; it was especially hard to be patient as each child read.  And one of them, well, the pictures tell the story best…(obviously they are very blurry…to protect the anonymity of the other  victims kids!)

He's contemplating mischief.

He's getting up close and personal with his buddy.

He's proving he has a bit of an ear fetish like his baby sister.

I would say boys will be boys but in this case it seems to be boy will boy….mine of course :)
Stay tuned for twin sister’s author tea next week….I know, you’re on the edge of your seat :)

Striking a Pose

5 Apr

My first grader is wrapping up her second year of dance.  I think it will be her final.  Though she has mostly enjoyed it I sense it is losing it’s appeal.  I was able to sneak a peak at her the other day and was dying at the cuteness!

Though I can no longer say out loud that she is cute because my big girl gets angry and bellows,

I’m not cute!  Babies are cute!

You may be wondering about the little one.  She no longer dances.  She made it very clear last year that it was no longer an interest of hers.

Betcha can’t guess which ballerina is mine?!

(Yes I did write about this last year but it was worth repeating :) )

Once Again, I Just Don’t Care (about the Super Bowl, that is)

2 Feb

I’m having another alien like moment in my world.  It’s similar to the one I had last April on the day of the royal wedding.

I live in New York so everywhere everyone is all abuzz about the Giants.  In Target this morning along side the various jerseys and paraphernalia there was even Giants beer.

And now I just got a letter emailed home from the twins principal about February events.  And there’s this:

Tomorrow, February 3rd, we are celebrating Super Bowl Weekend.  We do have some Giant fans in the building. To root the teams on, we are going to all wear our sports shirts or jerseys.  It doesn’t matter what team!

Yeah and the 4-year-old has a similar fun thing going on in her 2 hours of school on Friday.

Really?  I’m stressed enough  having to remember that the 4-year-old has show n tell, the first graders have a spelling test and book report due…all on Friday.  Now I have to figure out our festive apparel for 3 children, 2 of whom insist on wearing dresses or nothing in their daily existence.

Why does everything have to be celebrated and acknowledged at school?!

And no we don’t have any plans for Sunday!   Do you?!

(But what I do love is that my son keeps referring to the

Super BALL!)

I Worked Out Today

6 Dec

Well maybe that title doesn’t seem like big news, but for me it’s huge.

First of all, I’m not what you’d call athletic.  I do love yoga but I am otherwise pretty inactive.  I’d rather read and lounge then hike and run.  I fall down all the time, like over nothing.  In fact I recently fell down walking in my front door.  I was laying there like the “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” lady.

So this is why I’m over the moon when I see any of my children demonstrating anything close to athletic ability.  It’s also why I don’t have a regular workout regimen.  There have been times in my life I’ve joined gyms, but pregnancies and taking care of babies backburnered my attendance.

Now you know my kids are taking Kung Fu.  They take it at a kickboxing place and their memberships constitute a family membership  i.e there is no added expense for me to take as many kickboxing classes as I want.  But until this year I wasn’t able to get away without the little one.  And then September hit and I procrastinated.

Here’s the thing about me.  I take a while to start things.  But once I do, I give it 100%.  That’s why I have a hard time starting new things.  My personality doesn’t allow me to quit easily.

I’ve been feeling exceptionally sluggish and blah lately.  So yesterday I decided I would go today to the 10 a.m. kickboxing class.  I was terrified!  All I’ve seen walking into these classes (which sometimes happen after the kid classes) is solid tough looking 20 year olds.

Oh that’s the other thing.  I long to be  Milla Jovovich from Resident Evil.

I want to be strong and kick assish instead of the weak tired mush I usually feel like.  I thought kickboxing would be perfect to target my goals….getting in shape and becoming fierce.

Though I was nervous and feeling dumb entering the class, I had made the decision, so there would be no turning back. Well.

I did it!  I finished my first cardio kickboxing class and I feel great!  It’s amazing how much I accomplished today.  I truly had so much more energy.  And here’s the plan.  I am committed to attending two classes every week and I’m putting it out there! I think that is doable and hopefully at some point I will do more…

I’ve chosen time I am kid free so there can’t be many excuses.   And speaking of the kids, I am role modeling for them how important it is to exercise and take care of yourself.  I have to say I’m feeling pretty delighted that I did it though I am quite sure I will be aching tomorrow!

What do you like to do to stay in shape?

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